Tuesday 23 July 2013

Nation obsessed by name of thing it will spend lifetime paying for


Everyone is seemingly obsessed this morning over the name of a child that they will be paying for throughout their entire lives, despite not being related to it.

With the royal baby now the go-to conversation starter for people who haven’t had an original thought in years, many are claiming conversations about the child remain unavoidable.

Tax payer Simon Williams told us, “It’s like some Child Support Agency on steroids case. I’ve got to pay something towards this kid, every year of my working life, yet I didn’t get to so much as feel up its mother.”

“That’s very unfair, don’t you think?”

“If I’m going to spend my life paying for a child, I’d like to think I at least got myself into that mess with a pretty good orgasm.”

“But then, I also paid towards their wedding too, and didn’t get an invite to that either, so this latest snub doesn’t really surprise me.”

Royal Baby arrived

Royal insiders claim the delay in announcing the name of the baby is due to Prince Williams continued insistence that Prince Space Cowboy is sufficiently regal for the heir to the throne.

“He saw it on an episode of Friends once, and it stuck with him,” they told us.

“He also wants him to have the middle name Aston-Villa. Now Space Cowboy we can probably live with, but frankly that would be bordering on child abuse.”

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