Wednesday 10 July 2013 by Waylandsmithy

Public suddenly experts in aircraft crash investigations


Officials in South Korea have thanked the Great British layman, and his sudden ability to wade into the complex world of air crash investigations.

Until now, finding out what caused an airliner to crash could be a very difficult issue, involving months of detailed forensic work.

But with a fag on the go and a slightly racist attitude, Britain’s ‘instant experts’ can pinpoint the cause of a disaster from just glancing at headlines.

“What he’s done there is stuffed it into the ground”, explained Peter Hughes, a plumber from Kent.

“You wouldn’t catch me flying with one of those foreign airlines. I expect he only had an international licence.”

Hughes confirmed that South Koreans don’t make very good pilots in his experience, but also revealed that the whole thing was an ‘accident waiting to happen’.

“It would probably have crashed anyway, what with it being one of them new Boeings. They mucked the batteries up on them, they keep on exploding”, revealed Hughes.

“You can’t trust the Yanks, they still measure in Imperial. I expect they’re buying the bits in cheap from China.”

Crash investigators

Initially, Hughes pinned the blame on it being an Airbus, but this was quickly denied by Hughes after his mate read the caption under the picture.

“Yeah, I knew it was a 777 just from the wings, I was testing you”, confirmed Hughes.

“If it was an Airbus, its wings would have been all longer and more white. The wings are alright, they make those in England. It’s the French bits you need to worry about.”

Thanks to Hughes’ ability to split the world into ‘The West’ and ‘Everywhere Else’, many countries in the far east now realise they’ve just been ‘playing at flying, without really knowing what they’re doing’.

Hughes then turned his remarkable powers of perception to a pile-up on the opposite side of the motorway he was travelling on.

“An Audi’s done that, you can tell it was an Audi that’s made all that happen”, said the sage.

“It’s because they’re all driven by dickheads.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: