Thursday 27 June 2013

Al Qaeda claim responsibility for ‘devastating’ spending review


Al Qaeda have this morning issued a new video in which they claim full responsibility for the devastating spending review which rocked the UK yesterday.

The video, which appears to have been put together in something of a hurry, shows several Al Qaeda members reading from a list of measures they claim to have imposed on the UK in a concerted attack on Western imperialism.

An early translation says, “Let this be a stark warning to the Godless infidels in the West.”

“We will come to your countries and remove your benefits and slash your public services in the name of Allah.”

“This is how we work now, gone are the days of missiles, bombs and bullets – now we will hit you where it hurts, in the wallets of your most vulnerable citizens.”

“We will put your poor people on the streets, and make the lives of your bankers slightly less opulent”

“Praise Allah!”

Osborne’s Spending Review

Economic and political commentators have reacted with surprise to the announcement, claiming that they had believed the devastating measures outlined yesterday were due to the Chancellor’s devastating incompetence.

As one explained, “I was genuinely baffled by the Spending Review, and George Osborne’s justification for it, but of course I now realise it’s just a terrorist plot to bring the country to its knees – so it actually makes perfect sense.”

“In fact I’d go so far as to call their flawless plan almost ‘genius’.”

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