Tuesday 18 June 2013

Charles Saatchi reveals new throat-punch seduction technique


Businessman Charles Saatchi has insisted the way to a woman’s heart is through a swift blow to the larynx, according to reports this morning.

After he was photographed squeezing the throat of his wife Nigella Lawson, Saatchi told reporters that the photos were out of context and that they merely showed a playful attempt at foreplay.

Saatchi told reporters, “You have to understand what a woman expected from her husband during these playful tiffs we all have.”

“And being slowly asphyxiated by a seventy year-old Iraqi man is the top of most women’s ‘turn on’ list.”

“Sure, I can see how to the uninitiated it looks like domestic abuse, but what you’re seeing here is a loving embrace, which I chose to focus solely on the throat area.”

Saatchi cautioned

Domestic abuse campaigners have called Saatchi’s seduction approach ‘outdated’, insisting he would be better off simply reminding women how rich he is.

Spokesperson Diedre Williams told us, “An extremely wealthy older man thinking he can do whatever he likes to women? I think we could use this as a new definition for the word ‘cliché’.”

“People wonder if this one incident makes him a bad person, but you seem to forget the man started not one, but TWO advertising agencies.”

“He is literally the devil.”

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