Monday 10 June 2013 by Yikes

Fears for Prince Philip grow after third consecutive gaffe-free night in hospital


Top doctors have expressed increasing concern for the Duke of Edinburgh’s health after he spent another night in a multicultural hospital without committing any gaffe whatsoever.

“We suspected something was up when two black orderlies wheeled him in and the Prince didn’t offer them any yellow fruit,” said hospital manager Melanie Singh.

“When a couple of Filipino nurses tucked him in, and he just said ‘thank you, goodnight’ while completely ignoring the topic of whether there were any nurses left back in the Philippines, we became worried.”

The next two days saw the Duke being prescribed an increasing dosage of racial stereotypes and slurs, to try to snap him out of his funk.

However even the addition of traditional dress and nose rings failed to elicit anything more than “it’s delightfully multicultural here.”

Old episodes of “Till Death us do Part” and clips of Bernard Manning were played to spark Prince Philip up, but he merely yawned and commented “that’s a bit retrograde in this day and age.”

Emergency measures

Doctor Yakamoto, one of the world’s top experts in Obnoxious Diseases, was bought in and Prince Philip was rushed into theatre, where five buxom women in red tops with zips on them crowded round his bed.

“He still didn’t respond, so I opened the window and remarked how cold it was” said the Japanese doctor.

“We held our breath but all he said was ‘there is a bite in the air’ while thumbing through an Amnesty International flyer.”

The Queen refused to comment publically on the Duke of Edinburgh’s condition, but Palace sources say she is so worried she is investigating the possibility of a gaffe transplant, with Jeremy Clarkson already confined to the Tower in anticipation.

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