Wednesday 5 June 2013

Thought powered helicopter ‘will not work’ for UKIP voters


A helicopter powered solely by the original thoughts of an individual will be completely inoperable by UKIP voters, it emerged today.

Researchers for the Journal of Neural Engineering suggest the lack of grey matter at the disposal of UKIP’s followers left the device permanently grounded.

Lead engineer, Simon Williams, said extensive testing showed a distinct shortfall in the level neural processes one would expect in rational thinking homo-sapiens.

“The measures we took to confirm the results were quite extensive,” he told congregated reporters.

“We gathered thirty people who told us they were voting for UKIP at the next general election and asked them to focus and create a single original thought between them in the hope of making the helicopter airborne.”

“But they couldn’t so much as generate a single spin of the rotor.”

“Well, until we told them the helicopter was going to take some immigrants ‘back where they came from’.”

Mind-control helicopter

Williams went on to reveal how the change in tactics from the research team provided more favourable findings.

“We mocked up a couple of dummy’s who could clearly be distinguished as ‘foreigners’ and placed them in the prototype helicopter and asked them once again to focus on raising it from the floor, and the results were astounding.”

“The prototype was last seen somewhere over the Atlantic where we believe the UKIP voters ditched it into the ocean.”

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