Monday 20 May 2013 by Waylandsmithy

Sky News blames Hillsborough on miners strike


A Sky News documentary will tonight make the astonishing claim that the Hillsborough disaster was the fault of Arthur Scargill.

Using previously unseen artist’s impressions of Scargill wearing a Korean military uniform, the episode of ‘Paranoimia: Why Communists Tried to Kill Our Children’ has already drawn a record number of complaints.

“This is blatant revisionism, and an insult to our intelligence”, claimed a spokesman for the Hillsborough Independent Panel.

“The presence of coal smut at the ground is circumstantial at best, and we believe most of those Davey lamps were added digitally after.”

Nigel Fisher, the editor who commissioned the documentary, has defended the accuracy of his report. “It was a long time ago so no-one knows exactly what happened”, claimed Fisher. “So it’s up to us in the media to bend past events to our agenda.”

“I suppose we could have interviewed a few families but Liverpool is really far away. With the cost of rail fares, it’s cheaper to just make something up.”

Sky’s Hillsborough documentary

The documentary will claim that miners deliberately flouted safety procedures, by gluing stuffed canaries in place on their perches.

A reconstruction shows a hunched Scargill counting a large wad of money, and refusing to move for an ambulance until he’s rechecked it twice.

“While there’s no evidence that any of these things actually happened, it’s important to give people an alternative view”, said Fisher.

“And by recreating ‘that’ supposed 45-minute kiss between Scargill and Syriah’s President Assad, we’re also making a watertight case for the forthcoming invasion.”

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