Tuesday 14 May 2013

Coronavirus already Britain’s sick day excuse of choice


The British working population have wasted no time in adopting the coronavirus as their preferred virus of choice when justifying a sick day.

Approximately 130 millions days are lost to ‘sickness’ in the UK each year, with Coronavirus now accounting for approximately 125 million of those days.

Office worker Simon Williams told us, “I’m definitely feeling a bit iffy this morning, and I saw on the news last night about Coronavirus so I probably have that, right?”

“18 people have died so far in Europe alone, so it’s probably best I don’t come in today and infect the rest of the Accounts Payable department.”

“I’m thinking of you, honestly.”

Coronavirus cases

Sickness days are currently higher amongst women and old people, reflecting their propensity to believe everything they read in the Daily Mail.

Factory worker Sharon Bent explained, “The Daily Mail told me I was going to die from this new killer virus, so I’m just going to sit here and wait for the inevitable.”

“With this new Coronavirus out to kill me, and everything I eat, drink or do giving me cancer, it’s pretty hard to relax right now.”

Employers have been left unsurprised by the working population’s ability to quote something they didn’t know even existed yesterday when calling in sick.

Employer Mike James told us, “The irony is, if only my employees showed as much dedication to their jobs as they do latching onto the latest health scare I would happily let them work a three-day week.”

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