Monday 13 May 2013 by Formelia Alberthine

NHS to prescribe BAFTA awards ceremony to insomniacs


The NHS is set to prescribe DVDs of BAFTA award ceremonies to insomniacs in a move that could consign the condition to the medical history books.

The ceremony, where the cream of the British television industry convene to look pretty and congratulate each other, was flagged as a cheap solution to a complaint that affects several tens of thousands of patients.

Senior NHS executives were made aware of the programme’s potential when concerned viewers called NHS direct claiming they had no recollection of the two hours between 9pm and 11pm on Sunday evening.

A source told us, “Our call centre was in meltdown after 11pm with callers beside themselves with worry that they had just lost two hours of their lives.”

“The calls just kept on coming and coming and it was only when our telephonists had the foresight to ask whether they had been watching the BAFTA’s that the cause became apparent.”

“It was a ‘Eureka’ moment.”

BAFTA cure

A BBC source said that whilst they are happy to finally deliver a programme of genuine use to licence fee payers, its deployment as a medical tool would see the corporation lobbying for a steep uplift in the annual payment.

“We are a public service provider, but putting insomniacs to sleep by prescribing tapes of the BAFTAs is clearly going to incur some additional costs.”

“Heaven forbid people realise what Delia Smith programmes could do for obesity.”

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