Thursday 2 May 2013 by Waylandsmithy

North Korea locks up holiday maker ‘to nip tourism from US in the bud’


Glorious utopia North Korea has sentenced an American tourist to 15 years hard labour, as a warning to other brash yanks to ‘stay away’.

Wearing an ‘openly floral’ shirt and banging on about baseball, Kenneth Bae had barely been in the country 20 minutes before he was getting on everyone’s tits.

“We might starve our people a bit or put them in gulags, but that’s pretty humane compared with some oaf showing you endless pictures of his Ford Mustang”, insisted Yun Ki-Un of the Tourist Misinformation Office.

“And just because you call them ‘The World Champions’ and have Beyoncé sing at half-time, doesn’t mean anyone over here as heard of the Baltimore Ravens.”

North Korean Tourist

Ki-Un acknowledged that Bae probably didn’t realise how annoying the rest of the world finds American tourists, with their perfect teeth, fanny bags and poor understanding of modesty.

And while Ki-Un conceded that Bae had only gone to North Korea to stir up an uprising, his fear is that others may follow, just to show off.

“We don’t want them coming over here with a wallet full of US dollars, wearing watches worth around a year’s salary in this country”, complained Ki-Un.

“That sort of cheap riff-raff might put off the wealthy Chinese tourists.”

“You’ll have to excuse me, there’s some arriving by gold-plated helicopter shortly: our fellow communists sure know how to support a regime.”

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