Saturday 27 April 2013

I’ll play for England since injured players’ wives won’t be home alone, admits John Terry


Former England captain John Terry has admitted he would consider a return to the national side if injuries forced all other players to stay at home looking after their partners.

Despite retiring last summer, Chelsea captain Terry said that he’d play for England if there was nothing – or anyone – for him to do at home.

Football analyst Simon Williams explained, “If the partners of international footballers are otherwise occupied looking after their injured husbands or boyfriends, then John might as well go and play football.”

“Sure, playing football is a distant second to trying to bed the female partners of former team-mates, but it keeps him busy.”

John Terry England return

The offer to return to the England fold has been welcomed by some inside the game, and also significant numbers of England supporters.

England fan Dave Smith told us, “This is good news for the England team, as Terry is still a decent centre-back, and him being stuck in an England team hotel would be a blessed relief to hundreds of footballers with attractive partners.”

“It’s win-win.”

“I know a lot of people worry about him being at home when we’re away, but it doesn’t worry me – my girlfriend is black.”

I’m supporting England (except John Terry, that guy’s a dick)

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