Wednesday 24 April 2013

Band you’ve never heard of to stop making music you never listen to


A band you wouldn’t recognise if they served in you McDonald’s is going to stop making songs you wouldn’t listen to if they paid you.

JLS announced the split to stunned journalists who were pretty sure they’d disbanded some time in 2011.

“I thought we’d been invited to a reunion tour announcement, but apparently not,” said one bemused journalist.

The one who does most of the singing told the press conference, “We’re sad to announce that we won’t be making music any more, as we want to concentrate on other artistic pursuits.”

“No, I can’t think of any right now, but that’s not the point. And no, this has nothing to do with our Christmas single not even making the Top 40.”

The one who is dating that one from the other girl band said, “We’ve had a great run, but like all good things, it has to end – a couple of years later than you thought it had.”

JLS to split

A helpline has been set up for distraught fans who everyone agrees really should know better.

Helpline volunteer Sharon Williams told us, “No, we haven’t had any actual calls yet – apart from that one bloke who was trying to book a taxi.”

“But I guess it’s still quite early and the news of the split has only been on every news channel and in every newspaper this morning.”

“I’m sure we’ll get a few distraught teenage girls in the next few hours.”

“Or not, you know, whatever.”

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