Friday 12 April 2013 by Matt Taylor

South Korea announces successful attempt to weaponise Gangnam Style


Tensions increased on the Korean peninsula today after South Korea’s leader, Park Geun-hye warned that Seoul has succeeded in militarising chubby middle-aged pop sensation PSY for ballistic deployment.

The latest development follows a string of bellicose rhetoric from pint-sized North Korean leader Kim Jong Un over recent weeks including threats of thermonuclear war.

Miss Park said, “South Korea is used to aggression from the North and has been planning its defence strategy for a quite some time.

“If diplomacy fails we will not hesitate to fire PSY at Pyongyang where we confidently predict he will cause an immediate revolution via the wearing of excessively shiny lilac suits and the performance of horse riding mimes.”

“Furthermore, in 2012 successfully infected 1.5 billion of the world’s population with a desire to dance Gangnam style.”

South Korea’s secret weapon

Miss Park went on, “Unknown to YouTube viewers, the record-breaking Gangnam Style video contained subliminal messages which will bring them to our national defence in response to any act of aggression from the North.”

“From the first moment of military action by Mr Kim’s regime, the demilitarized zone will be flooded with millions of drunk westerners dancing as if they’ve had disastrous hip replacements, thus ensuring instant victory.”

“Bearing all this in mind, the North should carefully consider its next move.”

“Ours will be the fake lasso one.”

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