News International has once again buried its competitors, by winning the lucrative TV rights for Margaret Thatcher’s final curtain.
Rescheduled for Saturday prime-time and featuring a host of celebrities, ‘A League of Her Own’ is expected to be a massive hit.
Rupert Murdoch has promised to treat the spectacle with his usual tasteful approach, and hopes to recruit Danny Boyle to direct the closing ceremony.
“We’ve got some big guns we can wheel out for these occasions, and James Corden is, by some margin, the biggest”, explained Murdoch. “He’s just the sort of sombre, balanced chap to give this a bit of dignity.”
Hugh Laurie is pencilled in to perform the official duties, playing the role of a rebellious vicar struggling with an addiction to prescription painkillers.
“We know the formal bits can be dull, so Hugh’s going to give it some pizzaz”, Murdoch revealed. “And we’re pausing the coffin descent mid-way through, for a word from our sponsors.”
The BBC is expected to bid for the highlights and will of course cover the event on Radio 5Dead.
“Sky might have stolen a march, what with this being the first high def, 3D funeral”, admitted Director General Tony Hall. “But our audience expects us to at least have a go at covering this properly.”
“Which is why we’re lobbying for her body to be buried in Salford.”