Thursday 28 March 2013

Pope admits he’s a ‘foot guy’


Touching young men is wrong, unless it’s their feet, the Pope confirmed today.

Keen to show his more caring side, Pope Francis will spend a few hours on Maundy Thursday massaging sensual oils into the feet of young men from the wrong side of the tracks, whilst deeply breathing in the whole experience.

The Pope will visit a young person’s detention centre as the boys there are much more likely to do as they are told when it is explained that a 76 year-old virgin wants to play with their feet.

A Vatican insider told us, “He’s inspected every foot in Vatican City, and there’s none here that do it for him, so we went looking for the nearest place that would have suitably young feet for him to have a go on.”

“This seemed like a good fit all round.”

“He’s asked for a good mix of clean and unclean, including a few that would be ‘good enough to put in your mouth if you were into that sort of thing’.”

Pope to play with feet

This is not the first time Pope Francis has washed feet, with his stint in Argentina also seeing him keen to exercise his foot fetish.

Miguel Armano who had his feet washed by Francis in Buenos Aires told us, “It was a bit awkward at first, but his aides assured us that licking the feet is how Jesus did it.”

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