Wednesday 27 March 2013 by Waylandsmithy

David Miliband leaves UK now to avoid rush when Ed Miliband is elected


David Miliband has confirmed he is to leave the country shortly, well before his brother has a chance to make matters even worse.

“The thought of five more years with Cameron in power is a disturbing one”, declared David Miliband. “But five under Ed Miliband just doesn’t bear contemplating.”

David is heading to New York to work for a charity, that carries out research into sibling treachery.

“It’s obviously a field that holds a lot of interest for me, and I’m considered something of an expert in the resentment it can cause”, revealed David.

“I suspect it’s brought on by excessive nasal pressure, not being able to smile properly, and having shit hair.”

Other Miliband leaving UK

David Miliband is confident that Ed Miliband will win the next election, claiming ‘even Ed Balls’ couldn’t stop people voting out the coalition.

“It’s a view that’s supported by many people in industry”, revealed David.

“British Airways have doubled the price of one-way flights from May 2015 onwards, and Powergen are planning how to cope when all the lights are turned off simultaneously.”

Despite the differences the two brothers have had in the past, David Miliband has offered to put his brother up, should he wish to visit the US.

“He’s welcome any time, but he needs to make sure he’s familiar with the protocols for travelling to the States”, said David.

“As I explained to him: you need to carry a joke ‘hook-hand’, and wear a false beard.”

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