Chris Huhne has begun his stay in prison by tweeting from the ‘inside’. Read below for the highlights so far, and don’t forget you can follow him at @ChrisHuhneDiary.
Greeted by wolf whistles on my arrival. Not worried – typical banter.
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 12, 2013
Left a message on my son’s voicemail to bring me in some shower gel
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 12, 2013
Spent the morning in the prison library with an older con teaching me to read road signs. #roadsafetyawareness
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 12, 2013
Texted son about the shower gel again. No reply
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 12, 2013
Fraudsters, thieves, liars….I’ll miss the House of Commons
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 13, 2013
Still no reply from my lad. I know he’s been having network problems
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 13, 2013
An inmate just asked me if I had any snout. I replied that I’ve had it in the trough for years. Apparently he meant tobacco #expenses
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 13, 2013
Still haranguing the governor about the lack of a Corby trouser press in my cell. #takingliberties
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 15, 2013
Mike Hancock’s come through for me! He smuggled me in some tobacco up his arse. Should get Keith off my back for a few days
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 16, 2013
Gashi insists that growing a beard is part of Islamic culture. Muslims who shave are the slaves of the West
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 16, 2013
He said it was an act of defiance against the west poisoning Muslims with sportswear
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 16, 2013
Sunday morning would normally be a breakfast of baguette, a selection of sliced cold meats, coffee, the newspapers and Andrew Marr
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 17, 2013
In here it’s sugar puffs, lukewarm tea, the words ‘Nozza fucks goats’ carved into the table and Colin talking about kestrels
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 17, 2013
I asked Colin if he knew who carved ‘Nozza fucks goats’ into the table. “Yeah, it was Nozza,” he replied
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 17, 2013
My protestations that mashed potato should play no part in a Sunday roast have gone completely ignored.
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 17, 2013
Texted my son about the shower gel again. I guess his phone must be on the charger.
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 17, 2013
I’ll be just fine when I get out of here. I’ve got 500 grand in a Cypriot offshore account.
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 17, 2013
I must be strong and draw inspiration from my heroes – Nelson Mandela, Aung San Suu Kyi, Mahatma Gandhi and Ronnie Barker
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 17, 2013
I’m starting to realise that watching the Porridge DVD box set was inadequate preparation for my time in jail
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 18, 2013
I said ‘Son, one day you will understand why I left your mother for a bisexual woman thirteen years younger than her’
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 18, 2013
If it wasn’t for the fact that missing breakfast makes me extremely irritable I would leave these Sugar Puffs as a mark of protest
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 19, 2013
It’s been Sugar Puffs for breakfast every day for 6 days now. I doubt even Aung San Suu Kyi would have endured this level of oppression
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 19, 2013
I’ve started my book. I’m making it semi-autobiographical, but with elements of James Bond. It’s called The Man With The Golden Pension
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 19, 2013
They say that winning becomes a habit. Having spent the last 2 hours playing Connect 4 against a blind man, it also becomes very boring
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 19, 2013
Muscular Guy was very sweet this morning. He offered me a Mini Twix bar. At least I assume that’s what he meant by Chocolate Finger
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 20, 2013
Mike The Screw chastised me for rushing Colin down to First Aid. He said ‘Slow down Huhne – you’re not on the M11’ . Sarcastic bastard
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 21, 2013
Just tried to hack George Osborne’s Twitter account. Tried to think like him to guess the password. I gave up after ‘spankme and ‘cokewhore
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 21, 2013
I’m currently watching Question Time with Colin and enjoying a Twix #bbcqt
— HuhnePrisonDiary (@ChrisHuhneDiary) March 21, 2013