New privacy and anti-hacking rules coming from of the Leveson inquiry have claimed their first victim with the news that award-winning Daily Planet reporter Clark Kent has ‘retired’.
Daily Planet spokesman Angela Croft said Clark Kent’s X-ray vision, supersonic hearing, and ability to fly undetected into any building, meant it was impossible for Kent to comply with the new Leveson privacy rules.
“Clark was anything but mild-mannered and very reluctant to go – he made that very clear when he hurled the entire Daily Planet PR department into the sun,” said Ms Croft.
“But eventually our lawyer’s persuasive argument, and a lump of kryptonite, made Clark see sense.”
Ms Croft reiterated that Clark Kent was just one rogue reporter that they had dealt with promptly, and there was no endemic super hero culture at the Daily Planet.
Kent’s Daily Planet colleagues said that he was being made a scapegoat, and management knew of his super methods but tolerated them as Kent got results.
“Management knew he was Superman – they even installed a phone booth in his office.”
“They also issued a memo that lycra was acceptable work attire, though they did change this to “male only” after seeing what Jenny from accounts started wearing,” said sports reporter Jason Stevens.
“The worst thing was how quick they got rid of Clark – they cleaned out his office yesterday and refurbished it with some sort of inter-connected silk thread.”
“Apparently some photo-journalist named Peter Parker starts tomorrow.”