Wednesday 20 March 2013

Jedi divorce likely to end in lightsaber duel


Jedi divorce ends in lightsaber duel

Divorce between couples married under Jedi jurisdiction are likely to be finalised by one them being sliced in half by a lightsaber.

With Jedi marriages likely to begin in Scotland in the coming months, critics have warned of impending bloodshed of a level never seen before between warring couples.

Marriage guidance counsellor Simon Williams told us, “You don’t see many lawyers in the Star Wars movies, and with good reason – Jedis don’t need them.”

“There’s no need to spend money on expensive legal negotiations when a Jedi mind trick will do the job.”

“And if that fails you can just push a laser into their face. Easy.”

“Jedi marriage might sound like a good idea right now, but you wait until the lightsaber duels start. Then you’ll all wish you’d stuck with good of fashioned catholic guilt.”

Jedi Marriage

Engaged couple Lucy and Dave said they were considering a Jedi marriage for their nuptials in late 2013.

Dave told us, “I like all the stuff about the force, and Yoda’s sayings about light and forgiveness – the essential goodness in us all. It’s a nice way to start a life together.”

However Lucy told us, “Well yeah, that sounds great and everything, but I think I prefer the stuff about hate, anger and the dark side. It’s sounds very exciting.”

“But above all I particularly like how arguments are settled using handheld plasma blade.”

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