Chancellor George Osborne will deliver his fourth budget this afternoon, to a grinding Trap soundtrack and backbenchers in wigs.
Government advisors have looked for ways to soften the stark economic announcement, building on previous ‘media savvy’ techniques that make bad things seem good.
“Normally, we’d leak stuff like ‘a quid on fags’, or ’50p a litre on petrol’”, explained an anonymous insider, “So that when George reveals the actual amounts are just 99p and 48p respectively, everyone thinks ‘phew! that’s a relief!’”
But with media trends moving at a dizzying pace, ministers have turned to their children for ideas of how to engage with the grey mass of people they’re dimly aware of.
“When my son Rupert told me about the wheeze they’d pulled off at his Oxford college, I just knew this would distract the proles from what we were really up to”, revealed the whistle-blower.
“They made a carefully planned spontaneous video, that resulted in a civil servant being sacked. What a wheeze! My son really is completely bonkers.”
The Harlem Shake Budget
When the country watches to see what Osborne plans to inflict on them this afternoon, our source explained that Nick Clegg would be sticking his bottom out, and doing a little jig.
“Then the next thing you’ll know, he’ll be joined by dozens of ‘fun’ politicians, wearing big glasses, fancy dress and smug little grins. Economics is hilarious! What are we like?”
Osborne hopes that his budget will go viral on YouTube, paving the way for more japes to be used in future government policy announcements.
“If this works, we could get away with absolutely anything”, enthused Osborne.
“Given a cute enough Slow Loris eating rice in a cage, I bet I could even bring in a tax on food banks.”