Thursday 14 March 2013 by Graeme Cooke

Cameron questioned after performing reckless U-turn under influence of alcohol lobbyists


David Cameron has been spoken to by police after he was caught on several major news organisations performing a reckless U-turn on alcohol pricing whilst under the influence of alcohol lobbyists.

With millions of witnesses, the police were left with no option but to act.

Police spokesman Sylvia Wright said, “We have reason to believe that on the evening in question Mr Cameron was meeting for a friendly chat down the pub with several supermarkets and had been partaking heavily of impartial advise from international alcohol firms.”

Doctors have condemned Mr Cameron’s behavior, claiming that minimum pricing is a necessity.

Surgeon Margaret Jones, 39, said, “Look, I spent seven years at university not sleeping and without the time to develop proper human relationships – just so I could get a job where I can afford to get trollied in my personal vintage wine cellar.

It’s the only thing keeping me going and it’s an affront to my Profession that some fifteen year-old on a council estate who’s never worked a day in his life can afford to get just as twatted on 20p cans of special brew.”

Alcohol pricing

Support for Mr Cameron has come from many intoxicated members of the British public, who insist reckless u-turns are just ‘one of those things’.

Motorist Simon Williams told us, “We’ve all been there, you’ve only had three or five and you find out you’ve been going down the motorway the wrong way so you have to do a quick 180.”

“It’s the cameras that are the real problem. Dave should get himself a Sat Nav and just remember to govern carefully only when the little BBC Camera indicator zone is on.”

“Then the rest of the time he could do anything he wants and no on would give a damn”

A spokesman for Mr Cameron has indicated that Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg is going to admit to driving the government at the time.

The spokesman insisted, “It’s not a case of marital coercion, Nick has just reached the conclusion that being in prison is the most efficient way to consult with his Lib-Dem colleagues, rather than having to arrange visits there to see them all.”

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