Wednesday 13 March 2013 by VCG

ITV commentator fined for bringing self to orgasm during Barcelona commentary


ITV sport commentary complaints

ITV have announced this morning that they have fined Clive Tyldesley after the commentator was clearly heard tugging himself to orgasm over Barcelona’s performance in the Champions League yesterday.

Despite being used to hearing football commentators reaching the vinegar strokes whilst covering Barca matches, Tyldesley’s behaviour went one step further.

His moans of ecstasy have prompted dozens of complaints from people who say it ruined their own enjoyment of the game.

“The wife had gone out so I’d settled in front of the TV for an evening of watching short passing, diving and play acting.” said Ian Anderson, one of the angry viewers who made complaints.

“Five minutes in Messi opened the scoring with a great goal and I was fully prepared for all the superlatives that would follow from the commentators, but I felt that the heavy breathing and moaning were taking it a bit too far.”

Barcelona commentary

Tyldesley used many of ITV’s approved “Barcelona covering phrases” during the ninety minutes, waxing lyrical about the La Liga leaders’ intricate build-up play and close control, but his delivery shocked many.

“When you put a Barcelona match on you expect certain things, such as them being hailed as the greatest team ever, Messi being labelled the greatest player to play the game, and all the cheating and surrounding of referees to be completely glossed over,” continued Anderson,

“But hearing the commentator say “ohhhhh….little triangles….Iniesta….oooooh….wonderful vision….oh my God, oh my God….here it comes…..MESSSSSSIIIIIIIII!!!!” really made it difficult for me to concentrate on knocking one out myself.”

“In the end I had to mute the TV and add my own commentary.”

“Then as soon as I’d cleaned myself up I went on the website to see how I could lodge a complaint.”

“You just don’t expect to have a Barcelona masturbation session ruined by hearing another man masturbating over Barcelona, the guy is supposed to be a professional.”

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