Tuesday 12 March 2013 by Waylandsmithy

Lying about speeding much worse than starting illegal wars, confirms Justice System


The British legal system has sent a stark warning to politicians, concerning the limits of their dreadful behaviour.

While lying about who was driving a bit fast on a motorway is punishable by prison, illegally invading foreign countries is still seen as a ‘grey area’.

“When considering whether to prosecute an MP, it’s important to take into account their audacity”, explained senior Judge Harold Smith.

“We want to set an example to the plebs, rather than worry too much about the whole ‘right and wrong’ thing”, said Smith.

“It’s not like a scummer from a council estate is going to start massing armed forces on the Kuwaiti border.”

“But trying to avoid paying a fine for driving at the same speed as everyone else? It frustrates me that we can no longer hand out the death penalty.”

Legal precedent set

While the courts agree that scumbags who can’t afford a TV licence should share a cell with a murderer, chavs are unlikely to attempt to sex up a weapons dossier.

“It’s the low-level, petty crime that ruins our country”, confirmed Smith. “The great big whopping crimes only affect other people’s countries.”

Smith accepts that politicians often face tough decisions, but they should consider how much money they will earn by making the blatantly wrong one.

“No-one’s going to pay a six-figure sum for your tale of how you left a wheelie bin in the wrong place”, Smith warned.

“But carpet-bombing civilians? The US lecture circuit loves to hear about that.”

“It might be wrong, but it won’t cause too many copycat crimes. Not straight away, anyway: those new aircraft carriers aren’t quite ready to sail to the Falklands just yet.”

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