Friday 8 March 2013

Anger as non-emergency calls to police treated like non-emergencies


Morons everywhere have expressed their anger after a report showed that calls to non-emergency police numbers are treated less urgently than calls to emergency numbers.

With the BBC leading an investigation into the blindingly obvious, simpletons have jumped onto the bandwagon to ensure everyone knows how angry they are that their non-emergency wasn’t treated like an emergency.

Deirdre Williams told us, “Just because I’ve called a non-emergency line doesn’t mean I want to be treated like a non-emergency. This issue is much more important to me than that.”

“I don’t mind if you treat other people’s calls as non-emergencies, obviously.”

“In fact, if it will help you treat mine as an emergency I would actively encourage you to treat the rest of the calls as non-emergencies.”

“I think it’s a national disgrace that the police are wasting resources helping people who aren’t me.”

Non-emergency line

Police have responded to the criticism by insisting that the issues might stem from the naming convention associated with the number.

A spokesperson for the National Police Federation explained, “Perhaps we should call it the Pathetic Problem Line, which you call only when you’re so entirely inept that solving the problem yourself is completely beyond you.”

“That might stop people calling us to report that Sky+ hasn’t recorded Eastenders.”

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