Teen heart-throb Justin Beiber incensed parents at the O2 yesterday, when he started singing before many of them could leave.
Beiber, who’s hits sound exactly as you’d imagine, delighted adults for the first two hours of his gig by staying off the stage.
Graham Holdcroft was there with a charity for aurally challenged children.
“Sadly, these youngsters have all caught ‘Shit Ears’ from watching X Factor”, he explained. “We’d brought them along to try and shock them out of it.”
“To our astonishment, as we waited some of them responded positively to the early 70s disco being played. Then the cocky twat stuck his head round the curtain, and they suffered an immediate relapse.”
Beiber at the O2
Greeted by a wall of ‘boos’, Beiber belted out both of his hits, while preening and strutting like someone who actually had a discernible talent.
Grown-ups surged towards the exits, many clawing at their ears, others mumbling that they ‘had a train to catch, or something’.
Not everyone was disappointed. David Chalmers spoke of his relief when Beiber finally launched into his wall of sonic misery.
“I’d taken my two teenage daughters to see him, as a punishment for being caught smoking outside school”, he explained.
“Somehow standing in a cold arena listening to Michael Jackson songs for two hours didn’t seem cruel enough, But at 10.25pm, the little prick finally showed up.”
“My two won’t be stepping out of line again, although they did admit he made them feel the need to chain smoke.”
“I think he’s worse if you’re that bit older: he made me want to inject heroin in my face.”