Monday 4 March 2013 by Yikes

Quick thinking Charles rushes sick Queen to Mid-Staffs hospital


The Queen today expressed thanks for the quick actions of Prince Charles who personally rushed her to hospital, and said she is looking forward to her stay in the Mid-Staffordshire NHS Trust hospital.

The Queen told reporters, “I think Charles felt bad after cooking one a lovely chicken dinner – the mix-up with using that chicken from the defrosted fridge could have happened to anyone.”

“But he quickly realised one’s normal hospital was full and sped one to Stafford Hospital.”

“The hospital really is a breath of fresh air – quite literally as the nurse hasn’t yet been round to close the window. In fact one is not even sure they have nurses around here, which suits one as one is really enjoying the peace and quiet.”

“The doctor is a nice man from the sub-continent.”

“He tells one that he applied for a job as a cleaner, only to be told that position had been restructured to make room for another middle-manager.”

“He took a role as gastroenterologist instead, and he has one on a course of Dettol and dusts one twice a day,” added the Queen.

Middle-management attentive

The Queen saved her warmest praise for Stafford Hospital management.

“Nothing is too much trouble for the middle-managers.”

“One’s lost count the number of times they have been around to turn the heating down and they have taken away all the blankets that were cluttering one’s bed.”

“And the hospital head has reassured one that one will be out of the hospital soon.”

“A lovely man – always adjusting my pillows, but one’s only quibble is that one finds it hard to breathe when he leaves the pillows over one’s head.”

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