Monday 4 March 2013 by Waylandsmithy

Queen ‘left on corridor gurney for 48 hours’


An elderly monarch has spent nearly two days abandoned in a hospital corridor, after staff mistook her for normal old woman.

Queen Elizabeth II was admitted to the Kind Edward VII hospital in London, after eating a kebab she found down the side of Prince Philip’s favourite armchair.

Foul-smelling, cold and leaving a sour taste in the mouth, Prince Philip regularly leaves Greek fast-food lying about in the palace.

The hospital has apologised for misplacing the Queen, but claimed it was hard to recognise her, with her head in a sick bucket.

“Even though we’re a private hospital, we still follow the same guidelines as the NHS”, claimed leading collywobblologist Dr Greening.

“This is standard practice for dealing with unwanted old people.”

Queen left on gurney

Dr Greening promised to find the Queen a place on a ward ‘as soon as possible’, at which point she would receive the recognised treatment for being a bed blocker.

“It’s fairly routine”, he explained. “Leave them laying in their own filth, ignore their pleas for food or a glass of water, and they usually end up leaving the hospital one way or another.”

Dr Greening thinks that the NHS can learn a lot from the private sector.

“Patients tend to bother us less if they have access to Sky Movies”, he suggested.

But the hospital denied tagging the Royal Toe with a ‘do not resuscitate’ label. As Greening insisted, “That looks very much like it’s in Prince Charles’ handwriting.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: