The Vatican is this morning facing a further crisis after routine DNA tests revealed that the communion wafers used in Sunday mass contain 0% of the body and blood of Christ.
The findings are sure to pile further pressure on the ailing religious organisation, just days after their Chief Executive resigned citing ‘personal reasons’ and ‘being a bit old’.
The news will concern billions of Catholic consumers, previously led to believe they were consuming Christ himself each Sunday morning.
Catholic Simon Williams told us, “So what have I been eating all these years? It’s not bloody horse is it?”
“With the amount of cash I’m encouraged to put in the collection plate I can’t believe they’re scrimping on the ingredients.”
“You’ll be telling me next that the stuff they dip the wafer in isn’t actually blood.”
A spokesperson for the Vatican explained that the DNA test results merely highlight the incompatibility of science and religion.
They told us, “Where is your faith that the wafer is the body of Christ? Science can’t tell you everything, and just as it can’t prove God doesn’t exist, it can’t prove the wafer ISN’T the body of Christ.”
“Oh, it has? Right. Well, there’s probably something in the Bible about that. I’ll have to go and look.”