Saturday 2 March 2013

Killing people more important than looking after them, confirms Hammond


Killing foreign people is much important than looking after our own people, claimed Defence Secretary Phillip Hammond today, insisting further benefit cuts should be used to prevent defence cuts.

Hammond told reporters that allowing poor people to have a standard of living above the poverty line risked our military’s ability to fire the latest missiles into Afghan villages.

“Budgets are obviously very tight at the moment, but if the choice is between a $1.4m cruise missile or putting food on the table for the unemployed then that’s really no choice at all is it.”

“For a start unemployed people don’t make big explosions or, or use state of the art guidance systems.”

“I’ve suggest to the prime minister that we stop giving money to fat people, and in return the MoD gets to keep buying nice shiny bullets to replace all the ones we fire at foreigners.”

“He’s thinking about it.”

Hammond on MoD cuts

Unemployed Simon Williams feels some sympathy for the defence secretary, admitting he probably has a point.

“I look at the house and my two young kids and I think if they cut income support a little more we could maybe paint a few tanks.”

“I mean really, how warm does a family home really have to be?  Surely anything above freezing will be OK, right?”

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