Fans of bland booze are suing the makers of Budweiser, claiming the flavour became ‘dangerously overwhelming’ after it was fortified with water.
Budweiser is made using a secret recipe, carefully developed to avoid any taste at all creeping into the product.
But disgruntled employees now claim that the beer has been deliberately ‘watered-up’, causing a mild reaction to some people’s taste buds.
“When I’m swilling down an industrially fermented rice drink, I don’t want it to remind me that I’m actually drinking”, claimed Bud fan Dave Moore.
“I buy Bud for the alcohol, not for some gastronomic experience. If I wanted to taste water, I’d buy a bottle of Fosters.”
Budweiser watered down
Anheuser–Busch has denied manipulating their product, claiming they ‘even dry the bottles by hand’ to avoid water contamination.
“We spent years designing filters to take out all traces of hops, malt or wetness”, explained head brewer Chuck Langley.
“You could be sipping a Bud right now, and you’d be none the wiser.”
“Why would we risk alienating our fans by adding something as interesting as water? Even the ice in our adverts is just cold lumps of plastic.”
Langley has offered customers a latex tongue cover, just in case they’re confronted with a flavour in future.
“I’m confident in the quality of our product, but the rubber ‘Bud Guard This’ is just another layer of protection, in case you accidentally order a water shandy.”
Langley tried to reassure reporters by offering samples of his beer, but the sharper ones noticed the bottles were empty.
“Sorry, wrong product”, sighed Langley. “That must have been a crate of Bud Lite.”