Wednesday 27 February 2013

Pope delights audience at farewell gig with classic hits about gays and condoms


Pope farewell gig

Pope Benedict XVI has delighted the thousands of fans who turned out for his farewell gig with an impromptu performance of his classic hits ‘homosexuals are an abomination’ and ‘Jesus hates Johnnies’.

After announcing his retirement, many Pope fans felt worried that he might have lost the passion that converted so many into his loyal followers – a concern that proved unfounded.

The Pope addressed the audience like a man ten years younger than himself, with the vigour not normally associated with impeding retirement.

“Do the one about gays being a product of the devil!” screamed one excited concert goer, and the Pope duly obliged by whipping the crowd into a frenzy with the words, “According to Leviticas 18:22….”

“I loved the bit where he said condoms don’t really help with Aids, it still sounds so fresh even after all these years.”

Pope farewell gig

Audience member Pepe Williams told us, “I had to be here today as I’m such a big fan of all of his work, but you still can’t beat his really early stuff from Genesis. It’s how most of us became fans, to be honest.”

However not everyone was impressed.  Former fan Nicola Matthews said she’d grown out of the Pope in her late teens, and felt this latest gig was a bit ‘sad’.

“I his whole Catholic thing a bit derivative to be honest,” she told us.

Sure, he’s got some catchy classics that it’s easy to get behind, but when you listen to the lyrics you find they don’t make any sense to a grown adult. A bit like One Direction.”

“Also, I think it’s a bit disingenuous to still be calling himself ‘The’ Pope. Did you know there have now been more Popes than there have been Sugababes?”

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