Tuesday 26 February 2013 Formelia Alberthine

IKEA sofa found to contain traces of rocking horse


IKEA horse tests prove positive

IKEA has withdrawn a popular range of sofas after tests revealed it contains traces of rocking horse.

The Ektorp sofa range was found to be at least 5% rocking horse during routine tests on stock at their Wembley superstore.

IKEA consumer Simon Williams told us, “I feel violated. I bought an Ektorp sofa last summer and I’ve spent countless hours enjoying its comforting embrace only to find out I’ve actually been enjoying a rocking horse – at least in part.”

“I would never knowingly buy a rocking horse – what am I, some sort of French pervert? But IKEA seems to think they can cut a few corners by including them the flatpack.”

“I’ll be honest, I was a bit confused by the wooden horse head, but the instructions said it went underneath so that’s where I put it.”

“I didn’t think I could trust flat pack instructions and content lists any less. I was wrong.”

IKEA horse tests

IKEA spokesman, Helmut Vermer, confirmed the reports before insisting that no consumers were at risk due to the contamination.

“Rocking horses are perfectly safe, and though they might not be to everyone’s taste, we can assure all of our customers that accidentally sitting on a rocking horse will have absolutely no long-term effects.”

“Now, just don’t ask about our meatballs.”

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