Thursday 21 February 2013

Hunt still on for nice South African


As the lead investigator in the Oscar Pistorius case was revealed to be a murder suspect himself, experts predicted we may never find a nice South African.

Hilton Botha, the lead detective in the case, is facing seven charges of attempted murder, raising questions as to whether there might be someone better to gather evidence against Oscar Pistorius.

Former South African resident Simon Williams told us, “Look, if you only want South African investigators not implicated in some horrendous crime then you’re going to be picking from a pretty thin-looking list.”

“Nelson Mandela seems quite nice, but that’s why they put him in prison in the first place.”

“Spitting Image sang about this in 1986, and I think they were right. I’ve never met a nice one, but I’d always just assumed it was limited to them being mostly ill-tempered, arrogant, humourless pricks.”

“But now it seems they’re all murderers, too.”

Nice South African

However a spokesperson for the South African police department in charge of the investigation defended the role of Detective Hilton Botha.

They told reporters, “What better person to investigate a murder than a murder suspect?”

“In every line of work, people will tell you that you simply can’t beat first hand experience.  And at the last time I checked Botha has seven counts of that experience.”

“I’m sure he’ll do just fine. Now sod off the lot of you!”

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