Analysis of the latest Census has shown that 620,000 white British left London over the last decade – roughly the number of BBC middle managers who were packed off to Manchester.
Four presenters, two cameramen and a boom-mike operator were part of the migration to the North, along with 619,993 department heads, executives and PR consultants.
“On the face of it, this figure makes the BBC look like a very non-representative organisation indeed”, said Mark Easton.
“But I should point out that more than nine of those employees were women.”
With over 95% of the BBC being Oxbridge-educated white males aged under 46 with expensive coke habits, it’s easy to see why so many people in Manchester don’t want ‘that sort’ living next door.
“It were nice round ‘ere before them lot arrived, givin’ it the ‘la-de-das’ ‘til two int’ morning”, complained Salford resident Shiela ‘r Abbas.
“They don’t make effort ter fit in, they allus hang around with their own sort. I’m sick of the smell of them cookin’ all that low-GM, macrobiotic pasta, an’ all.”
Abbas has tried her best to make an effort with her new neighbours, offering to show them how to watch ITV, and talk about the weather without mentioning global warming.
“Thing is, all’ time you get impression they’re slowly takin’ over”, admitted Abbas. “It’s a sad day when yer own kids Mither yer int’ bloody ‘received pronunciation’.”
The BBC has strongly rejected such criticism, and insisted local communities were being ‘enriched’ by their employees.
Even Wythenshawe now houses a few Prius-driving vegetarians with doctorates in Classical Politics.
“Tish and rubbish”, insisted Easton, standing on a sheet of the Financial Times in the doorway of a delightful Mancunian pub. “We’re all rubbing along quite nicely, we just need the locals to be a little more accepting of our culture.”
“For instance, I’ve persuaded the landlord of this establishment to put some Peruvian throat-singing on the juke box, and charge me £12 for an organic glass of distilled Iranian camel urine.”
“If you don’t like it, you’re probably a racist.”