Tuesday 19 February 2013

All food to be rebranded as ‘meat’


Expensive DNA testing procedures could be avoided completely if we simply label all food products as ‘meat’ in future, according to researchers today.

With traces of various animals found in everything from lasagnas to corn flakes, industry analysts claim a simple change to labelling procedures could make everything much easier for everyone.

Food technologist Simon Williams explained, “Technically if what you’re putting in your mouth was at some point attached to an animal, then it’s meat – so it matters little which type of animal, and which part.”

“Meat pies, meat lasagnas, meat sausages – these all sound delicious, right? How much extra value do we really attach to a food product just by knowing if it’s chicken, cow, or even horse?”

“Once they’re minced up in a bleak Romanian industrial facility they all taste the same anyway.”

Food labelling

Consumers have admitted that simplifying food labelling would make it easier for them to understand what was in the food they were eating.

Food consumer Sharon Fowler told us, “These labels currently have 15% this, 5% that, 21% something else – I don’t have time for all this reading – it’s a supermarket, not a bloody library.”

Simon Williams went on, “Ingredient lists on food could be made easier to understand if we just put the percentage of meat on the side, and left it at that.”

“Just as long as consumers don’t start wondering what the rest of it actually is.”

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