Tuesday 12 February 2013 by Spacey

North Korea’s nuclear weapons aren’t the type that bring peace and stability, insist nuclear states


America, China, Russia, France and the UK have insisted that the nuclear weapons being developed by North Korea are the bad ones that bring fear and uncertainty not the good ones that bring peace and stability.

Good nuclear weapons are packed with a combination of rainbows, doves and rose petals that cause widespread hope throughout the world.

Bad nuclear weapons are packed with Marmite, flimsy corner shop carrier bags and Tesco Value Bolognese and cause widespread despair.

The North Korean news agency said the underground test used a smaller, lighter nuclear device with greater explosive force than before, prompting fears that North Korean scientists may have also developed the capability to produce dubstep.

The use of Dubstep, which has been described by music lovers as sounding like a Tyrannosaurus rex being raped by a Transformer, has heightened concerns amongst the international community.

“The development of bad nuclear weapons instead of the nice ones that keep us all safe is a clear and grave violation of UN resolutions,” insisted UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon.

“Having the nuclear capability to annihilate the entire planet should only be allowed if your intentions are peaceful.”

North Korea Nuclear test

Foreign Secretary William Hague described North Korea’s actions as a blatant attempt to “outdeterrent our deterrent”.

“What could be more peaceful than having the capability to kill millions of people,” he explained.

“The problem is that the millions of people you have the capability of killing will want to develop their own nuclear weapons so they can kill you back.”

“I can’t imagine what the answer could be.”

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