Tuesday 12 February 2013 by Spacey

End of page 3 to cause Celebrity Big Brother contestant shortage


The end of The Sun’s page 3 ‘feature’ could lead to a dangerous lack of Celebrity Big Brother contestants, according to reports today.

After Rupert Murdoch revealed that The Sun is “considering” scrapping the photographs of topless women it prints on page 3, the makers of Big Brother have expressed concerns that they could struggle to find contestants for the next celebrity version of the reality TV show.

Successful top removal has long been regarded a vital skill for surviving inside the Big Brother house, and the show’s producers, Endemol, have revealed they are worried the end of Page 3 could also signal the end of Celebrity Big Brother.

“There are two things we look at when assessing possible contestants for Big Brother,” revealed an Endemol spokesperson.

“The left breast and the right breast.

“However, both of the breasts have to be attached to something that we can pass off as a celebrity.

“If you take the title ‘page 3 model’ away from a page 3 model then all you are left with is 21 year-old Melanie from Kettering.

“And that’s not enough to get you celebrity status, no matter how many tits you’ve got.”

Page 3 finished?

23 year-old Candice from Woking is just one of a number of page 3 models who could be facing a bleak future free from pouting and looking a bit breathless.

“I’ve done a lot of time putting one hand on the back of my head and the other on my hip,” she explained.

“To think that all that time and effort will go to waste not only makes me angry, it also makes me annoyed.”

“I don’t normally drink, but I’m so miserable that I’m going out tonight to get totally paralympic.”

Sun readers have taken to Twitter to vent their anger at the news by using a combination of capital letters and exclamation marks as a means of making their point more valid.

“JOKE!!! IT’S LIKE TRYING TO LOOK AT TITS IN NAZI GERMANY!!!!111!!!ONE!!” blasted one user.

“WOT!!! IT’S PROBABLY SUM CRAZY EU LAW MADE BY A SWIVEL-EYED LESBINON!!!1122!!!” agreed UKIP leader Nigel Farage.

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