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Friday 8 February 2013

Further Findus controversy as fish revealed not to have fingers


Finders fish fingers

Frozen ready meal provider Findus is under further pressure today after tests showed that their Fish Finger products contained no aquatic digits whatsoever.

The research took place yesterday when someone at home looked on the Internet at photos of a fish and photos of a fish finger.

Lead researcher and Simon Williams, “I’ve looked at dozens of pictures of fish and still not seen a single finger, not even something resembling a rectangular finger.”

“You know, now you mention it, you never see a picture of a fish waving at the camera, do you?”

“I’m beginning to panic about what I’ve been putting in my mouth all these years – I think we need to be told the truth.”

“I bet there’s as much finger in this product as there is beef in one of their Lasagnas. I don’t see how the public can ever trust them again.”

Findus controversy

Many consumers have been left distraught at the news, having failed to learn anything about animal anatomy at school.

Fish finger fan Mike Walsh frantically told us, “Oh Christ, what is it I’ve been eating all these year? Is it a fish penis, is that it? Am I ‘fish gay’ now? I have been feeling quite ‘fabulous’ recently.”

Food industry experts have been warning the public to be more careful about their product choices in future.

A spokesman for the Food Standards Agency explained, “If you didn’t kill and cook the thing on your plate yourself, rest assured that somewhere out there an overpaid executive in an expensive suit cut a few corners in selling it to you.”

“That’s capitalism for you.”

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