Wednesday 6 February 2013 by Spacey

England v Brazil friendly expected to be shit


England v Brazil friendly

England’s friendly international against Brazil is expected to be a drab affair that will cause millions of football fans to wonder why they bothered.

Football fans throughout England will tune into ITV later this evening in the vain hope that they will sit through 90 minutes of exciting end-to-end football, but will soon realise that their night will consist of boredom and an urge to punch Adrian Chiles in the face until he’s a bloody mass of hair and teeth.

Speaking ahead of tonight’s game, England Manager Roy Hodgson admitted he’d rather be watching Africa on BBC 1.

“It’s a strong possibility that the game will be shit,” he said.

“I’d much rather be watching David Attenborough, but apparently it’s in my contract that I have to be at the match.

“Fortunately we’ve got a TV in the changing rooms, so I should be able to catch a chunk of Nature’s Microworlds on BBC 4 at half time and the wife’s promised to record Africa for me.”

England v Brazil friendly

Hodgson has had to contend with strikers Jermain Defoe and Daniel Sturridge pulling out of his squad, but insisted the reasons for their withdrawal were understandable.

“Jermain’s got a box set of the Walking Dead to get through and Daniel’s got a few friends coming round to play on the Xbox,” he explained.

“Michael Carrick’s also a doubt because he’s just bought an electronic dart board and he’s keen to give it a go.”

“You really can’t blame them.”

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