Monday 4 February 2013 by Gary Stanton

Skeleton found in West London car park is Rafa Benitez


A skeleton found beneath a West London car park has been confirmed as that of stand-in Chelsea manager Rafael Benitez.

Benitez went missing shortly after the team’s 3-2 defeat to Newcastle and was last seen being bundled into a car by Russian gangsters.

Experts from the University College London said DNA from the skeleton matched saliva samples found on a coast belonging to Sir Alex Ferguson taken after Man United had played Liverpool in 2008.

Lead archaeologist Richard Buckley, from the UCL team, told a press conference as Stamford Bridge: “There is still quite a bit of meat left on the bones. Beyond reasonable doubt it is Rafa’s.”

Mr Buckley said the bones had been subjected to “a proper good kicking” and had been carbon dated to a period from April to May 1960.

Dr Jo Appleby, an osteo-archaeologist from the university’s School of Archaeology revealed the bones were of a man in his mid fifties who had lived exclusively on a diet of manchego and Tempranillo.

Battle wounds

His skeleton had suffered ten injuries in total, including eight to the skull, three of which had been inflicted before half-time.

Dr Appleby said: “Some of these injuries show he would have suffered quite severe brain trauma.”

“These symptoms would have manifested themselves in outwardly bizarre behaviour, such as agreeing to work for Roman Abramovic and playing Fernando Torres on his own up front.”

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