Friday 1 February 2013 by Spacey

Next QPR squad photo to be shot in CinemaScope


With Harry Redknapp’s transfer policy closely resembling Eric Pickles on a trolley dash around Greggs, QPR’s next squad photo is expected to be shot in CinemaScope.

Redknapp, who is a favourite amongst sport journalists because of his willingness to financially cripple football clubs, has become so carefree when it comes to spending other people’s money that he thinks ‘fiscal prudence’ is a French left-back.

Speaking of yesterday’s transfer deadline day acquisitions, Redknapp was in buoyant mood.

“Christopher Samba has all the attributes that I look for when accessing the transfer market,” he revealed.

“A pair of boots, a pulse and a vowel at the end of his surname.”

Redknapp’s deals

With a managerial record consisting of one major trophy in 30 years and a trail of financial devastation that is largely ignored due to his ability to be a ‘bit of a geezer’, Redknapp is confident he will enhance his reputation even further while at QPR.

“Rub-a-dub-dub,” he told a crowd of cheering reporters.

“Gawd blimey, love a duck!

“Wallop!”

With QPR currently sitting at the bottom of the Premier League, fans of the club have welcomed the new signings with cautious optimism.

“It’s going to be fine,” insisted season ticket holder Gary Lewis while taking a short break from breathing into a paper bag.

Lifelong fan Neil Lewington took time out from adopting the foetal position to offer his agreement.

“Come on, you hoops!” he sobbed.

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