Wednesday 30 January 2013 by Formelia Alberthine

Testicle recovering well following removal of Jeremy Kyle


A testicle which underwent emergency surgery to remove Jeremy Kyle, is reportedly recovering well in hospital following the routine procedure.

The testicle, said to be sporting a ginger pubic arrangement resembling Cilla Black’s bath tub plug-hole, was admitted as a precaution after reporting a persistent, nagging pain in its posterior region.

A spokesman for the glandular commodity confirmed the operation went far better than expected.

“The surgeons present were shocked at just how large this irritating factor had grown to become,” he stated.

“But they soon took quite an interest in hacking away at the Kyle growth, which at first resisted the separation, but quickly realised the potential this story had on day-time telly.”

“The growth began thrashing around as if he was delivering DNA results to a simpleton on its television show.”

“It was quite a sight, let me tell you.”

Jeremy Kyle testicle

The spokesman denied media suggestions this was a publicity stunt to ensure the testicle future appearances on his pick of reality TV series.

“He has had enough of working in tandem with brainless morons. He hopes such appearances are well behind him.”

Kyle himself was said to have been discarded down a ‘organic matter’ chute after the removal, and was scheduled to become fertiliser within the next week.

Tesco said rumours circulating of a new line of ‘Kyle’ burgers were purely ‘coincidental’.

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