Tuesday 29 January 2013 by Floyd Kermode

Prince Charles orders 500 copies of De Telegraaf for Buckingham Palace


Prince Charles has this morning ordered his mother a subscription to the Dutch national newspaper De Telegraf, whilst insisting she pay more attention to European current affairs.

Reports of discussions between Buckingham Palace and St James’ Court seem to focus exclusively on news from the Netherlands, according to a Royal Correspondence expert, Dr Oswald Shutworthy.

He told us, “The first message read ‘Mama, have a look at the news from Holland. Jolly interesting’.”

“A text from the Queen then thanked Charles for telling her and adds that the tulips are lovely at this time of year.”

“The next message read ‘Stuff the tulips. Have you seen the NEWS? Only for the Queen to text back ‘Why, are they redecorating Anne Franks’ house?’.”

Dutch abdication

Charles’ responses are said to have become increasingly frustrating, repeating the words “the news”, often in block capitals and with multiple exclamation marks.

Shutworthy commented that the texts could indicate frustration on Prince Charles’ part.

“It’s particularly significant that he sent the message ‘the bloody news u stupid cow! About the Dutch Queen abdicating and everything!'”

“This could indicate a desire for the Queen to comment on the fact that the Queen of the Netherlands has abdicated at the age of 75 and to stop sending him messages asking if they’re closing down the hash cafes in Amsterdam.”

Dr Shutworthy said the jury is still out on the Queen’s last text back to Charles – an enigmatic message containing the words “YES OF COURSE IVE SEEN IT, DREAM ON LOSER, LOL”, but added, “either she’s well into text speak or she’s left her phone on the train again.”

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