Monday 28 January 2013

Dolphins ‘intelligent enough not to rely on NHS’


Dolphins have demonstrated their preference for medical treatment from a stranger with a knife than an NHS Accident and Emergency ward.

After a dolphin was filmed begging a diver to use a knife on them rather than call an ambulance, many have wondered what they know that we don’t.

NHS user Simon Williams told us, “I often hear that dolphins are these incredibly intelligent creatures, but they didn’t seem too keen on spending and afternoon sat next to a moron that has chopped off his finger whilst putting up a picture frame.”

“Why not? That’s the question we need answering.”

“In fact, I would have said a stranger with a sharp knife is the last person you should seek out for help when you’re injured – but maybe I’ve been wrong all this time?”

Dolphin video

Dolphin spokesperson said, “We watch those fly on the wall NHS programmes on Sky, and frankly an afternoon spent with teenagers vomiting up bottles of 20/20 or asking a passer-by to slash at us with his blade was pretty much a no-brainer.”

“And have you seen what the government is doing with the funding of the NHS? Sorry, but we’ll leave that you land-stumblers.”

The video of the incident has drawn millions of viewers, and left many in awe of the sea-dwelling mammals, however some have questioned the attraction of the clip.

54-year-old Michael Dawson told us, “I don’t get it, I once got caught in a load of fishing line in my garage, writhing around asking for help but all my son wanted to do was get it on video.”

“No-one called me ‘super intelligent’ or ‘awe inspiring’ – though Jeremy Beadle did give me £50 for it.”

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