Thursday 24 January 2013

John Terry to have sex with Swansea ball boy’s girlfriend


After Eden Hazard was sent off last night for lashing out at a ball boy, club captain John Terry is to have his revenge in the only way he knows how.

Chelsea were knocked out of the League Cup by Swansea, with Hazard letting his frustration boil over by assaulting a small child.

Terry has told club sources that the child deserves to be punished and after activating South Wales scouting network he located Stacey Williams, 16, shortly after breakfast this morning.

Williams said, “I got a text this morning from someone called ‘JT’ asking if I like nightclubs and if I’d like a personal tour of Stamford Bridge – but I told him I like Justin Beiber and One Direction.”

“He went quiet for a while and then asked if I’ve ever tried the Angry Pirate. I saw the Pirates of the Caribbean films five times, does that count?”

Hazard sent off

Hazard insisted after the match that the matter was now dealt with, or would be as soon as his team mates were finished.

He told reporters, “He rolled around like a small boy who had been kicked by a grown adult – I don’t know what was wrong with him.”

“Children need to stamp out this childish behaviour when physically assaulted by much larger and older people.”

“But I forgive him, or at least I will as soon as JT sends me the ‘its done’ text.”

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