Wednesday 16 January 2013 by Waylandsmithy

Luddite astronauts smash up Mars Rover factory


Disgruntled spacemen have struck a blow against mechanised planetary exploration, by ransacking the factory that produces the fully automated Mars Rover.

Angered by the decline in the skilled ‘being strapped to a rocket’ profession, the group destroyed a number of Rovers before bouncing slowly away from the facility making ‘wheeee!’ noises.

Owners of the factory insist that the jobs of astronauts are safe, claiming the Rovers are only intended to carry out menial tasks.

“Our mechanised products are only there to do the repetitive work, such staring at hills or lasering ‘NASA was here’ on all those rocks and boulders”, explained factory owner Jebediah Noakes.

“We’ll still need astronauts for those critical ‘high value’ roles; playing golf or ‘giving the bird’ towards China.”

Astronaut rampage

Since the invention of the Rover jobs in the astronaut sector have declined sharply, with whole communities of spacemen facing an uncertain future.

“Fatha were an astronaut, n’ ‘is fatha before ‘e”, claimed unemployed space captain Arnold Wesley.

“But this new fangled Rover is doin’ us out of a trade. There’s nowt left round ‘ere fer a lad ter stick a flag in.”

Wesley and his colleagues have marched on the Mars Rover head office, where they will slowly count down from 10 before shouting ‘we have indignition’.

Whole families have joined the protest, some wearing goldfish bowls and onesies, demanding the right to spend less time standing on their own two feet, and more being fired.

As he stood at the foot of the entrance to the building, Wesley declared, “This is one small set of steps for man, but I’d like ter see that bloody Rover try and get up it.”

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