Wednesday 16 January 2013 by Formelia Alberthine

Facebook launches new reason to stop using Facebook


Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has unveiled the latest reason for users to leave the social networking site, with the launch of a new search facility which allows account holders to conduct free text searches on their ‘friends.’

Zuckerberg insisted the move was not to place Facebook in direct competition with Google, as unlike the search engine, it would mainly only return self-important proclamations from people with more time on their hands than a Rolex watch model.

Speaking at an event at Facebook’s headquarters in California, he told gathered journalists, “Some might argue, there is nothing social about trawling through the finer details of the goings on in the lives of your moronic online friends.”

“Others may suggest that enabling others to search such things as ‘friends interested in anal sex in the Australian outback’ is an infringement, and tantamount to stalking.”

“And they’d both be right.”

“But then when have we ever cared about a user’s privacy?”

Facebook Graph Search

Zuckerberg went on, “Concerns about privacy are for those who don’t really have much to shout about.”

“A bit like Facebook users, really.”

Former Facebook fan, Sheila Mount, said she would be closing her account with immediate effect.

“This is the online equivalent of peeping through the curtain of someone’s bedroom, and reaching in and grabbing a pair of smalls from the bottom drawer for inspection.”

However not all users said the new feature was a bad thing.  Simon Williams told us, “I can search for all the single friends of my ex-girlfriend within a 10 mile radius.”

“Revenge will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine!”

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