Wednesday 16 January 2013 by Spacey

Cows blame lack of film roles for public’s contempt


Cows have blamed a lack of big screen opportunities for people’s willingness to eat them after the public collapsed in anguish following revelations that they may have eaten something that has a well-known theme tune.

Cows have blamed a lack of films in which they forge friendships against the backdrop of war or overcome trauma with the help of Robert Redford for the county’s enthusiasm for devouring them.

“What’s the difference between eating a cow and eating a horse?” asked one bemused cow.

“War Horse, that’s what!

“If there was a Champion the Wonder Cow then things may be different.”

Film makers have denied that people would view eating cows differently if they were given more starring roles.

“The opinion of movie goers isn’t changed by who takes the lead role,” insisted one producer.

“People didn’t stop eating bacon after watching Babe, and people who watched Chicken Run didn’t stop thinking Mel Gibson is a prick.”

Horse burgers

With the UK population seemingly under the impression that burgers are produced using kindness and fairy dust, the news that they may have been consuming something that eats sugar lumps has come as a huge shock.

“I’d always assumed that burgers were lovingly crafted by a choir of angels,” revealed 27 year-old Theresa Copeland.

“To find that I may well have eaten something that looks good in a film montage is very upsetting.

“I don’t mind watching them run until their heart explodes or being destroyed because they’ve broken their leg jumping over a fence the size of a bus.

“I wouldn’t knowingingly eat one though.

“That’s just cruel.”

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