Monday 14 January 2013

Tell us again how awful your commute was today, say UK homeless


Snowing commute

The UK’s homeless community would really like you to tell that story again about how the snow made it a bit inconvenient to get to work today.

As offices around the nation were regaled with tales of adversity not heard since the last great war, the people of the streets have expressed an interest in hearing more about it.

Street resident Will Tavish told us, “Apparently this one woman in Swindon had to scrape snow off her car this morning but didn’t have a scraper and so used her hand for a few brief seconds.”

“Can you imagine that? Spending a few minutes scraping snow off you luxury saloon – with your HAND? It’s barbaric.”

“The worst part is that this put her slap bang in the middle of the school run, with all these bloody parents driving more slowly because of the snow.  Ridiculous, no?”

“She got there in the end though, and only fifteen minutes later. So there’s a happy ending.”

Snow stories

In soup kitchens around the country, homeless people are currently warming themselves with tales of heroism and herculean feats of human endurance from the incredible office workers of our nation.

Tavish continued, “There’s a rumour going around that there’s this one guy in Slough who cycled to work this morning.”

“Unbelievable. He just went about his business, on his bike, as if a bit of snow wasn’t anything to worry about.”

“I hope he’s got an agent, because given the hollywood treatment this would make an amazing movie.”

“I won’t get to see it, obviously – the cineplex isn’t too keen on ‘my sort’.”

Keep Calm it’s Only Snow

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