Friday 11 January 2013 by Waylandsmithy

Stargazing Live ‘needs more gazing at celebrities’


In a move bound to shock the scientific community, the BBC has announced that Brian Cox will be replaced by Bruce Forsyth in future editions of ‘Stargazing’.

“When we saw the word ‘star’ in the title, we knew the show would be a ratings hit”, said BBC spokesman Jeremy Hampton.

“But the only good bit was when Brian and Dara orbited around Phil Jupiter, to see who could eclipse him. The rest of it was just about space.”

The revised ‘Celebrity Gazing’ is pencilled in to start in the Summer, when the light evenings will be more flattering to glitterati appearing on the show.

“The BBC has a galaxy of stars that we’re not sure what to do with”, explained Hampton, “but a programme that focuses on staring at them and saying words like ‘amazing’ and ‘breathtaking’ should be a hit with our viewers.”

Stargazing Live

The exclusive use of Brians, including Brian May, Brian Cox and Dara O Briain, was slammed by star watchers hoping for a rotund ex-MP and a couple of Olympians.

“For some reason, there was no dancing and a rogue David Baddiel who wasn’t called ‘Brian’, confusingly”, complained one viewer, “and there were all these big telescopes, but they didn’t use them properly.”

“You’d think with such powerful lenses at the show’s disposal, they’d at least have zoomed in on Jennifer Aniston, to see if she’s put any weight on.”

Hampton has also promised to revamp the ‘behind the scenes’ follow-up show, which was completely devoid of crying, or attempts by the hosts to hump one another.

“Trying to engage some primitive, far-away audience with complicated science is a complete waste of time”, insisted Hampton.

“We’re convinced there’s no longer intelligent life out there.”

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